Undisclosed Desires by Muse

 

Undisclosed Desires by Muse

 

 

I wanted to celebrate my recent purchase of a ticket to go see Muse.  And even as I write that, it makes me sad.  I used to buy tickets to concerts.  Plural.  I always went with my husband.  He shared my passion for music.  My current partner does not.  

 

Music is everything to me.  It literally saved my life at age 16.  (Possible later entry regarding “Out of Control by Oingo Boingo.) It has been my refuge. My escape.  My grounding.  My expression. I have since learned that music can be highly important to those with AuDHD.  It isn’t just a passing fancy.  

 

As much as I love Depeche Mode, I don’t Enjoy the Silence.  It is typically physically painful for me and I cannot explain it.  It just is.  My husband understood this.  My partner does not.  So, with this being such a crucial part of my existance, is this a deal breaker?  

 

I don’t know.  There are times where I think it may be.  I have already bought a few tickets to concerts where I will be going alone.  Those concerts haven’t happened yet.  But I fear after I have attended them by myself, I will decide it is a deal breaker. 

 

And should it be?  Because the lyrics of this song encapsulate perfectly how my partner is with me.  Who he is to me.  What he provides for me.  Something I haven’t had since….well….we were last together 32 years ago.  

 

He makes me feel loved, safe, seen, appreciated, beautiful, smart, and most important, unbroken.  He understands that I have seen some serious shit in my life in general and in my past relationships specifically.  He remains unphased.  By both my trauma and by my neurodivergence.  

 

I am happier than I deserve to be.  We have our issues, as every couple does.  But all in all, this could absolutely be my happy ending.  So does this huge difference matter in the long run?  For now, it doesn’t.  For now, I will take it at face value and enjoy this feeling.  



I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

 

Soothing

I'll make you feel pure

Trust me

You can be sure

 

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

 

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

 

Please me

Show me how it's done

Tease me

You are the one

 

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

 

Please me

Show me how it's done

Trust me

You are the one

 

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

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