Master and Servant - Depeche Mode

 Master and Servant by Depeche Mode (lyrics by Martin L. Gore)


I’ve loved Depeche Mode for decades. They were the first band that truly resonated with me, and as a young goth, it felt like a match made in Heaven. I’ve seen them on every tour since 1993, and I’ve already warned my partner that when they come back, I’ll be front and center — cost be damned.

My children’s father loved Depeche Mode too. I can say many things about him, but his taste in music was impeccable. His Pontiac Le Mans even had a license plate frame that read, “Let’s Play… Master and Servant.” I loved it at the time. Loved it much less as the years went on.

Life with a narcissist… I haven’t spent much time without one in my orbit in one way or another. My father: a raging narcissist. My high school boyfriend wasn’t anything like him, so apparently he had to go. Enter my first husband — the covert narcissist. It was always about him, but things escalated when I quit my job to become a stay‑at‑home mom. That’s when the abuse really ramped up.

A painfully accurate term for what I experienced is coercive control, defined as:

“A form of abuse where the main goal is to degrade, isolate, and deprive a person of their rights to physical security, dignity, and respect, which puts the victim in a state of terror and entrapment, and includes tactics such as monitoring movements, social isolation, and restriction of access to financial resources, employment, education, or medical care.”

What struck me after the divorce was how many of my friends told me they had seen this dynamic. I was very active in Moms groups, and I learned so much only after the fact. What fascinates me is that my entire family never had an inkling — while most of my close friends had their suspicions.

And what does it say that my entire family didn’t believe me about the abuse, while my friends said, “We knew something was off, and we knew you weren’t happy”? I suppose it makes sense that I’m estranged from all of them except my mother. There have been small steps forward with my younger sister, though, and I’m cautiously optimistic that this might be the start of a new chapter in our complicated relationship.


It’s a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (like life)

There's a new game we like to play, you see

A game with added reality

You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees

We call it Master and Servant

We call it Master and Servant

It's a lot like life, this play between the sheets

With you on top and me underneath

Forget all about equality

Let's play Master and Servant

Let's play Master and Servant

It's a lot like life and that's what's appealing

If you despise that throwaway feeling

From disposable fun

Then this is the one

Domination's the name of the game

In bed or in life, they're both just the same

 

I was musing about this particular line, in bed or in life, they’re both just the same.  Is that true?  Is the power dynamic in the bedroom always going to be the same as the power dynamic in the relationship?  Does one always lead to another?  Possibly.  

 

Except in one you're fulfilled at the end of the day

Let's play Master and Servant

Let's play Master and Servant

Come on

Come on

Master and Servant

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (like life)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

Master and Servant

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (it's a lot)

It's a lot (like life)

It's a lot like life and that's what's appealing (it's a lot like life)

If you despise that throwaway feeling (it's a lot like life)

From disposable fun

Then this is the one

Let's play Master and Servant

Come on, Master and Servant

Let's play Master and Servant

Come on, Master and Servant

Let's play Master and Servant (it's a lot)

Come on, Master and Servant (it's a lot)


After 32 years of toxicity, I’m moving forward — or trying to. Today is a new day, and any domination that may or may not happen now will be entirely at my own discretion.

 

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