Everlasting Love by Howard Jones

Wednesday was a rough day for me.  Seemed like the perfect storm of nonsense.  Certain malarkey pertaining to my ongoing divorce proceedings came to my attention after I had to light a fire under my attorney’s ass to get information that I knew had been filed with the courts because I am proactive about checking the website.  

I had been triggered that morning during a discussion with my significant other.  I took off to run some errands because when you have Complex PTSD, your flight/fight/freeze instincts are in overdrive.  I have been doing a fairly decent job at working to change the fight instinct into flight when it takes over me. 

So I went to a nearby shopping center to pick up a couple of items I needed.  I decided to make that second follow up call to my attorney that needed to be done because he had been ignoring my previous attempts to get in touch with him.  In retrospect, firing my female attorney who I felt was not competent or responsive in favor of male representation was possibly a dumb move.  

Because while I am more confident in his abilities as a lawyer, he ignores my emails and phone calls for weeks on end.  It pisses me off because I am paying for his services and I expect a certain level of professionalism.  I get being busy, but I worked in corporate America for years and know it takes me minutes or less to respond to an email.  I know I am not a priority and since I am the paying customer, it infuriates me.  

It usually takes some sort of bold move on my part to get him to respond to me.  He had failed to file the appropriate paperwork with the courts regarding the substitution of attorney and my prior attorney was pissed.  They had to do what they claimed was 30 minutes of unpaid work because my current attorney did not do what was legally mandated of him.  So they were going to file it and listed me as pro per. (Representing myself without formal legal representation.)

Anyone who represents themselves has a fool for a client, or so the saying goes.  I had to go pro per during my last court battle with my children’s father in 2021-2022 because I ran out of money.  And that bit me in the ass hard.  I am absolutely intelligent enough to represent myself.  I know enough about the legal system and what I do not know I can supplement with research.  Where it goes to hell for me is my fiery disposition.  

My current husband jokingly called me his “spicy latina”.  A stark contrast to my first husband in that regard.  When my kids’ father found out I had Mexican roots in my family tree he sneered and called me racial slurs.  He has the kind of charisma that others love for some reason.  He was able to say these things to me in front of others, family included, and laugh it off as if it was all in good fun.  It was decidedly not in good fun.  The hatred and racism that boiled below the surface was not necessarily seen by others that didn’t know him the way I did.  But rest assured, after 4 years of dating followed by 17 years of marriage, I knew the man the way others did not.  

Several years ago my current husband took in interest in genealogy and took it upon himself to dive into my family tree while working on his. I had always been told that my hispanic relatives had claimed to be from Spain when they had in fact been from Mexico.  Go back far enough and that is true.  I had spent years being ashamed of my latina heritage because of the years of verbal abuse my first husband inflicted upon me in regards to that.  (Amongst so many other things, while that husband did not ever lay a hand on me, he was emotionally, mentally, and psychologically abusive.  I will maintain that after experiencing all types of abuse, I will take physical over mental any day of the week.)

This is why I made the conscious decision when I did a legal name change in 2021 to include Moreno in my name.  I wanted to reclaim that part of me.  I am now proud of my Hispanic roots and the fire and passion of spirit that I feel comes from that side.  At least in part.  I am also a significant amount Irish, so add some Sassy Lassy to the Spicy Latina and I can be an absolute fireball.  

I know this about myself.  I can be absolutely explosive with my temper but then can go back down to normal after venting the steam.  I’m very much like a pressure cooker and you have two basic settings when using an Instapot.  Quick release of steam after cooking or natural release.  Guess which takes longer?  And with me, if I can get a quick release of that heat and pressure, I can get back to normal pressure much quicker.

So, back to the current case at hand, I was now listed as pro per for my divorce so I reached out to my husband’s counsel directly.  I was in pro per on paper with the courts so I absolutely felt I was in my rights to do so.  I cc’d my new attorney on the correspondence as well.  Well, that sure got a response.  After weeks of radio silence, I heard back from him within minutes.  Complete with a lecture on the legal system.  

Which leads me back to my second phone call on Wednesday morning.  After being hung up on by his receptionist, unintentionally or otherwise, I called back and got the voicemail.  I left a short message indicating it was my second attempt at telephonic contact and requested a callback.  I did get a callback from him that morning.  

He is a dick.  I hate dealing with him profoundly.  He mansplains to me like you would not believe.  I sit there and take it because I know I’m being charged by the friggin minute.  But during that conversation he briefly went over the information I knew had been filed.  Financial disclosures from my husband and the like.  He said he would fully review and get back to me at a later time.  I’m not holding my breath.

He had forwarded them to me and I started to review the documents.  And I got pissed.  Bullshit after bullshit item came up.  Things I know to be patently false.  My husband is claiming on at least one of these items, he told his attorney what the truth was.  However, when I pressed him on what his intentions were in regards to this particular asset I was ignored.  And in regards to another obvious bullshit item, he is claiming it is accurate.  Which is a bold faced lie.  And as I was painfully reminded, I had almost 10 years of his lies.  And it was one of the many reasons I left.  

Whenever I bring up issues I had experienced during my marriage to my current significant other, he will often say “aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with that anymore?” And yes, so much so.  But until this divorce is final, things will keep coming up.  I am in such a better place emotionally and mentally but there can’t be any kind of closure until this has been finalized.

So back to Wednesday.  Disagreement with boyfriend. Followed by snide asshole comments from my male attorney.  Followed by news of financial shenanigans by current husband.  Followed by discussions with the current husband regarding said financial shenanigans.  Men, men, men!!!!  Am I right???  Got me way done with the gender as a whole.  After my first disaster of a marriage to what my attorney dubbed “a Narcissistic Sociopath the likes of which he had never seen in his 30 plus years in family law” and in the throes of yet another failed marriage, I’m wondering if I need to switch teams and call it a day.  Maybe it’s time to tap out on all men.  

I had to make a run down to my favorite sewing shop in order to make some returns and buy some replacement items.  I had the fortune of running into my favorite saleswoman/sewing instructor, Barbara.  

A couple of months back I had mentioned how much I would love to get a nice serger that did jet air threading because threading those machines is such a nightmare.  My partner decided to take me down to a local sewing shop chain to look at some nice ones and pick out one I would like.  It turned out his intention was to buy it for me.  I was trying to be diligent in my decision so it took a few days to finalize it and it led us to a different location at the same chain.

And therein was my introduction to Barbara.  She is a firecracker.  I loved her vibe and energy immediately.  She was the one who sold us the fancy serger.  

We went down to a Sewing Expo as I wanted some inspiration and was in the market for a nice sewing machine.  I wanted a sewing/embroidery combo and found the perfect one, in my opinion anyway.  And it was the brand new, unreleased Harry Potter special edition.  I was in love.  But I came across it almost immediately and decided to think about it more while checking out the rest of the booths.

The Sewing Expo is a big deal in the sewing community and so it was natural that Barbara would be at a booth for the sewing shop I now love.  She gave us a blunt and honest opinion about machines (as she always does and I love her for it) and it was the Harry Potter machine for the win!  She offered to beat the prior deal from the first booth by quite a bit. 

The point I’m trying to get at is that my partner and I have dealt with Barbara quite a bit.  She has now sold us two nice machines and being the spoiled princess I am starting to become, she really sold it to my partner.  She has had many interactions with us but she is still very much a third party.  

When I went to her shop on Wednesday I was alone.  She helped me get back on the right track while reminding me I do not have all of the answers regarding sewing and to stop going rogue and call her first.  She’s not wrong.  She knows me already.  While checking out at that register I was laughing about making the transaction alone and not knowing how to do it properly because my partner always pays at the shop.  Barbara and I have fun banter.

This is where she got serious.  And her timing could not have been more perfect for me, unbeknownst to her.  She said she didn’t realize those kinds of men still existed.  She went on to say that she sees the way he looks at me and that what we have is truly special.  She said to be sure to tell him that he has her respect.  

It really got me thinking about how someone on the outside saw our relationship.  And while there are always things that occur that people on the outside cannot see, she was able to provide perspective that was much needed and the timing was pure perfection.  She was an independent source confirming for me that I have found what I have been looking for.  

My original intent was to stay out and do more errands and such while working to calm down a little but I found that I was feeling much better after being schooled by Barbara.  I returned home and went back to tinkering with my new sewing toys.  I remained still simmering from men and their malarkey, but very much in a better place.  

Everlasting Love by Howard Jones

He wasn't looking for a pretty face

She wasn't searching for the latest style

He didn't want someone who walked straight off the TV

She needed someone with an interior smile

She wasn't looking for a cuddle in the back seat

He wasn't looking for a five minute thrill

She wasn't thinking of tomorrow or of next week

This vacancy he meant to permanently fill

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Back in the world of disposable emotion

In the climate of temporary dreams

He wasn't looking for a notch on his bedpost

A love to push, pull and burst at the seams

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

This is love worth waiting for

Something special, something pure

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

This is love worth waiting for

Bitterness will die for sure

Something special, something pure

This is love worth waiting for

This is love worth waiting for

Bitterness will die for sure

Something special, something pure

This is love worth waiting for

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love

Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love

I need a friend and a lover divine

An everlasting precious love