Happy - Danny Elfman

 

Happy by Danny Elfman

 

I believe this song is most likely about toxic positivity—the almost uncontrollable need to post "perfection" on social media. However, the way I relate to it takes it a step further.

When I finally left my first marriage, most people—including my entire family—did not believe there had been abuse. I had appeared so happy; everything was outwardly perfect. But, of course, it wasn't. That "perfection" was very much by design. I did, however, have some friends who had seen behind the mask I wore daily.

 

I'm so happy (happy)

I'm so happy (happy)

I'm so happy (happy)

Everything is crumbling (crumbling, crumbling)

Everything is crumbling (crumbling, crumbling)

Everything is crumbling (crumbling, crumbling)

 

Everything seemed perfect; I was the very picture of happiness while my world was crumbling around me. Everything I had hoped for in that marriage was tumbling down.

 

Happy, happy

Happy, happy, happy, happy

Choose your poison (poison)

Choose your poison (poison)

Choose your poison (poison)

 

And drink the poison I did. My poison of choice was shopping. I still tend to be a shopaholic at times, but back then, I was using it as a coping mechanism. Nowadays, it is more about the dopamine hit rather than a way to numb the pain.

 

Everything is shutting down (shutting down, shutting down)

Everything is shutting down (shutting down, shutting down)

Everything is shutting down (shutting down, shutting down)

Poison, poison

Happy, happy, happy, happy

Eat, fly, silence, joy, cat, sequence, future, puppy

My own motherfucking life burned down like a hole in the warm soft ground

 

This line has become a sad example of the past 30 years. I have watched, like a helpless bystander, as everything I had hoped to build for myself burned to the ground.

 

I can hear my own voice, concentrating on flies

Fill me up, knock me down, take my hand in my hand

Put my eloquent knife through my heart, through my heart

Straight through my mother-motherfucking

 

Ah yes, my "eloquent knife". I was able to convincingly describe how happy I was to everyone around me. "What a perfect marriage! What a perfect life! This is everything I ever dreamed of!". When in reality, each word from this eloquent knife was stabbing me to my core.

 

Heart belongs to you

My heart belongs to you

Puppy (fuckers)

Puppy (fuckers)

 

I love the dichotomy of cute little puppies and the anger behind the cutesy image.

 

Eye for an eye, eye for an eye

Tickety-tackety, tickety-tackety

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth

Never enough but it's never the truth

 

And not once was it ever the truth. I had created this "perfect" existence; it was all an elaborate act. The more I acted, the more it felt like it was never enough. I doubled down on the perfection. Maybe I should have considered a life on the stage, since even my family believed the act was reality.

 

Snapchat, rotting rats, Minecraft, Cheerios

Netflix, bag of tricks, soothe my soul

 

These are all the things we use to numb the pain—the everyday distractions from the horrors that persist. Are these things bad? Not on the surface. But if you aren't facing the root of the problem, that is where you run into trouble.

 

My anesthesiologist is fucking my psychiatrist

And I feel no pain, cover me with Lidocaine

 

How often do we look to cover up the pain or find a way to cope?. I chose unhealthy anesthetics, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. How common is it to self-medicate?.

 

I'm so happy, everything's so great

In the world, an oyster on an appetizer plate

 

 

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